New Beginnings

So it’s now well into October, and this is significant to me because I have been unemployed for two months.

Three months ago, I was working for a large global investment bank in Kansas City. I was approaching my 4-year mark with the company (which felt like 8), and I was incredibly depressed. I should have felt appreciative and thrilled to have a job in the industry because it enabled me to have a life which minimally encompassed the meaning of the phrase “independent woman.” I had my own place, I picked out and bought everything that went in it, I had no problem paying bills, buying food or gas, and I thoroughly enjoyed shopping and feeding my hobbies. But all of that wasn’t enough. I felt severely unhappy, empty, and trapped. I felt guilty for being ungrateful. Here it was 2012, record unemployment (7.8% my ass), and I hated my job. I hated my job, I hated my professional outlook, I hated the divisiveness in the country, and I hated my life in general. Many nights were spent sobbing in the middle of my living room floor drunk, listening to sad music and feeling sorry for myself. I went through a hydrocodone and Benadryl phase. To me, triggering that numb feeling or sleeping was my way of fast-forwarding time—fast-forwarding to hopefully a happier future. From a series of blurry nights to a series of restless nights filled with excessive thinking, I ultimately decided my life at that moment was pretty worthless and therefore, I wouldn’t be compromising anything by quitting my job. When my lease was up at the end of July, I jumped ship, and dejectedly, I moved back to the nest.

Hi. I’m Sandra Gibbons, and I’m a recovering independent woman.

Having recently turned 27 years old, I was very hesitant about moving back in with my dad. Ashamed even. By society’s standards, you could say I failed in the “real world”… but I refuse to think of myself like that. Am I wishy-washy? At times. A dreamer? Constantly. But I’m also eccentric, and I’m damn proud of it. While letting go of that miserable job put an end to my income and primary means of social interaction, it did give me freedom and time—freedom to reflect on my life and assemble my daily schedule as I saw fit, and time to materialize all of the potential I had battling inside my mind. It was during this time that I decided to create a blog. I wanted to share lessons I learned in the past, while highlighting the amazing moments of my new life to come.

Many of my posts will focus on what it means to be an independent woman today, and the perks and downfalls of that. Remember, my perspective was born from my upbringings and life lessons, so understand that how you feel may differ greatly from what I have to say. As I finish up this post, I’m filled with a strong sense of renewed self, and I realize I’ve already taken the first step in improving my future—to cease repeating the same old choices, and making a conscious decision to choose a new path. Cheers.

Quarter Life Crisis, Part I