2014 has proven to be so rewarding:
I regained full independence and moved into my own apartment—Peaceful and free of distractions
I landed the first job I applied to after hitting my 12 months—One that will challenge and teach me constantly
I realized my childhood rooted habits had a name in Minimalism—I’m learning to cut excess and fine tune my focus
I’ve learned to live in the moment and agree to social events outside of my comfort zone—Enriching my daily life
Those are the biggest rewards so far. I feel like I’m at a point in my life where my ability to balance people with tasks and learning is excelling at an exponential rate. Something quite literally has “clicked” within me, and I keep seeking out different things to learn and experience. It’s like my life is finally coming together and I can just make out the distant, blurry outline of what’s ahead for me. I’m learning to be present in the moment, and to put my full 100% attention into the here and now with whomever. I haven’t perfected it yet, but I’ve made some strides in not worrying about hypotheticals and keeping my stress and anxiety to a minimum. I’m more positive, which is huge—I don’t dwell in the past and obsess over betrayals and failures… insecurities. It’s even been months since I thought about killing myself. I have to actively engage myself in activities that will steer myself clear of too much reflection and depression, but it’s a trade I’m willing to make right now. Personal dissatisfactions rise to the surface every now and then, but my next step is to identify the worthwhile relationships in my life and drop the rest.
I’ve always believed that every person I encounter in life is there for a specific reason. Each person has some life lesson to teach me whether it brings me happiness or disappointment and hurt. Some people are meant to remain in my circle of trust and inspiration into my twilight years, while others who are unable to give me what I need and want are meant to fade into the background of my rearview. This is the insanely difficult part: Identifying those relationships that have no more to offer… and to say goodbye. It’s too exhausting for me to wrap myself up in trying to figure people out or somehow help and inspire them. I’m 28 years young, but I feel like I’ve already sacrificed so much time and energy trying to influence those things I have zero control over. Family, friendships, romance… it’s time to jot down my needs and desires for each relationship in my life, and determine which ones need to be let go. This will be so incredibly hard. Am I writing people off forever? No. I will always remain receptive, but things will never be like before.
I have this fuzzy picture of what my life will look like, and it’s time for me to decide who will have a place in my future. I’m no extrovert—I can count my closest relationships on one hand, and that’s fine. I can focus on who truly cares about me, and how I can give my time and energy in enriching their lives in return. I want to give myself. I’m sad to begin the process of letting people go, but I’m excited to see how I can inspire and add meaning to those relationships that make it. All I can say is… I will work so hard to add beauty and value to those relationships that survive.
My time on this earth is finite. I don’t want to waste it on anything or anyone that doesn’t understand the meaning of that.