I don’t really know what to say.
I haven’t painted. I haven’t written. I work about 65 hrs/week. This is actually the first weekend I haven’t worked in a long time. I kind of cracked and started to cry at work Friday afternoon and ended up leaving at about quarter to four. I spent all of Saturday sleeping, and then at midnight, I spent the next three hours cleaning and doing laundry. I slept most of today after turning my phone off. I feel like I could sleep forever.
I made one effort to do something nice today for my mom and it backfired.
It’s about 745pm now, and I’ve run out of reasons to stay awake. Crying on my way home from dinner, I realized how much I miss having a best friend, a boyfriend, to comfort me when I feel this way, and to prove to me that everything will be okay.
It’s really hard to see if it will. But tomorrow I’ll wake up and get dressed for work, fix my hair and do my makeup, and I’ll carry on like everything is fine. I’m always fine.